The Asphalt Jungle (1950)

To be honest, I watched this film exactly one week ago and I am having problems remembering really anything about this film. It was truly that forgettable. I do remember that one of the people that I was watching it with left after we had all assumed that it was nearly over but we found out that we were only halfway through. She made the right decision.

Apart from the hilariously bad acting and dialog that came from Dix and the fact that Doll had to scream "Dix!" in the middle of a field four or five times, this film was pretty damn dull. The writing was cheesy and uninspired, the characters were largely predictable, and the story was stale. Overall, I just don't know why the film was made. 

I did think that the characters were at least interesting. Their personal stories and psyches were fairly unique but just sticking some interesting people in a room together is certainly not enough to create an inspiring and entertaining film. 

In the end, I have no idea why this film is so revered. It was a chore to watch. 

5/10

The Third Man (1949)

While I appreciated the story and much of the film making in The Third Man, ultimately it didn't end up doing anything for me. I found the character of Holly Martins to be meddlesome and annoying, the story, while good, never felt very suspenseful or attention grabbing, and the ending revealed nothing new and certainly nothing that would save the story from being mostly boring.


I guess that maybe it was the point and I am missing something entirely but most of the film I was just annoyed every time Holly Martins spoke. He was out of place, clueless, and was trying to act like a detective when in reality he was just a marginal suspense writer. The idea just never paid off for me. Especially the fact that they never managed to explain why he was actually there. It seemed like they were building up towards something more interesting than "he knew a guy who wanted to give him a job."

They were never really able to build up any suspense in the story either. Until you find out that Harry Lime is alive, it is never hinted at or suggested, he just shows up suddenly. From there on, everything just goes according to plan. They find that he has been using the sewer system to escape, Holly meets him with little to no trouble, there is no big master plan or bigger idea present that what has been presented by the police, and then Harry shows up at the ambush as according to plan. Everything worked out for the protagonists, nothing in there was interesting. The only conflict was the slight internal conflict that Holly had about turning his friend over to the police but even that is made to seem fairly cit and dry after a while.

In the end, they kill Harry and his mistress Anna doesn't want to be with Holly. Shocking! The bad guy gets caught and the lonesome writer continues to be lonesome save for maybe a sense of well being. Nothing about this really warranted a film being made.

Don't get me wrong, there were things that I liked. I thought that the basic skeleton idea for the story was good enough but they just never added anything to make it interesting. I liked the character of Major Calloway although again he was rather two dimensional. Of course, the cinematography was fantastic, in fact I found myself paying more attention to that than the story or the characters. But, in the end, some cool camera angles were not enough to save it for me.

5/10

Top Gun (1986)

"Your ego's making checks your body can't cash."  

So you take a movie about bad ass fighter pilots, get two of the most prominent sex symbols of the day, a killer eighties soundtrack, throw in a sexy lady who also happens to have a P.H.D in astrophysics, and you get...one of the most homo erotic films that I have seen in a long time. Huh...

Ok, well that doesn't make it bad necessarily. At least it had a great script right? Some really poignant and deep dialog. "Don't screw around with me Maverick. You're a hell of an instinctive pilot. Maybe too good. I'd like to bust your butt but I can't." Ok, so maybe that wasn't a great example.

But the acting was spot on I'm sure. There were so many big names in there. They must have given some really Oscar worthy performances right? I'm pretty sure that Top Gun won some Oscars...ah yes, best music, best effects, best film editing, and best sound. Well I'm sure that they just got snubbed.

Well, the story then. The story must have been killer. I'm sure that it was a really accurate portrayal of life as a fighter pilot in training. Let's see here, it starts out with the heroes dogfighting with North Korean planes...in 1986. Ok, whatever, and then they go to the Top Gun Academy where they are considered the rebels but they always get the job done even if it is in a non-traditional way. Hey, that's a good concept! The main character is a total maverick, what was his call sign again?...Oh. So story is not the most important element of a film. 

But there were totally awesome F14 dog fighting scenes! Hells yeah! ::high five::

So top gun isn't the most thought provoking or artistic film ever made, but I think that you would be hard pressed to find someone who didn't think that it was at least a little enjoyable, especially if you have a sense of humor. Does it deserve to be on the list? Eh, it was a big deal in it's time so maybe. I think that the argument can be made that it is an important film to see at some point if for no other reason then the fact that it managed to really capture the nation's attention when it was released.

5/10

M.A.S.H. (1970)

To me, M.A.S.H. isn't so much a move as it is an amalgamation of random occurrences that happened to all take place in the Korean war in the same unit. And before you roll your eyes any further into the back of your head and sigh "Well obviously, that's what he was going for," know that just because the director accurately depicted "what he was going for," doesn't mean it's good. I guess that I'm just not really sure what the point is (and maybe that in itself is the point (but maybe that it just a little too post modern for my sensibilities)).

But really, what more did I expect from Robert Altman? I mean that man gets off on listening to people having disjointed conversations over the actual important conversations which by that point are just totally indecipherable. I mean, have you seen Gosford Park? Anyway, If I wanted to listen to a bunch of people having meaningless conversation over each other, I would go back and sit in my office for a while (which I am currently trying to avoid by any means necessary so why would I want that in a film?). Generally, I like films because they are escapist. They aren't real life. If I felt that I just couldn't get enough of every day real life I would probably not be watching a movie at that moment and be out grocery shopping or something. Altman seems to have missed this point entirely over his career though.

I also tend to enjoy my movies much like my men. I appreciate wen they are going somewhere! You know, some kind of driving element that makes the story move along, conflict, plot, all leading towards a resolution. Oh no that would be way too much like a film for Robert Altman to put it in his film (wait a minute...). Mostly at then end it just made me go "so why exactly did I watch that?"

As a point of interest, I have watched many films that some would consider sexist (Marnie for example) and had a romping good time, but seriously this film was sexist as hell and it takes a lot for me to say that. Besides all of the rampant sexual abuses being depicted, the only woman in a position of power (and it was a minor one) was automatically demonized, called an idiot and in the end forced to be naked in front of the entire camp. Now I won't go into how this is close enough to glorifying rape and all that shit but come on people! Ok, so maybe that was the point. Maybe he was trying to point out the sexism in the military and what not, somehow I doubt it though.

Of course there were funny moments, that film had its humor. I laughed out loud maybe once or twice, I chuckled, I can admit that. Overall though, it just wasn't enough to save it. I could hang around a group of random people all day and probably get just as many laughs. It would feel about the same as watching the film too, only more productive.

In the end, I can see how this probably made a damn fine TV show (I have never seen it) but as a movie it is lacking a lot. I actually find t hard to understand how it is so popular.

5/10